


the distance only he sees

by jeien



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, IDOLiSH7 Flash Bang 2018, M/M, Red String of Fate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-30
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 19:25:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16793251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeien/pseuds/jeien
Summary: The three times Sougo tries to break the red ribbon tied around his finger.





	the distance only he sees

**Author's Note:**

> My part for the i7 flashbang! I had this idea for a really long time, but I'm glad I finally got pushed to write it out ahaha.
> 
> I got matched up with the incredible [@wishing_sprite](https://twitter.com/wishing_sprite) as my artist partner and OHHHH MY GOD SHE DID SUCH AN INCREDIBLE JOB. [click here to also view her art tumblr](noodlesandbreathmints)!

The first time Sougo tries to cut the red ribbon tied firmly around his pinky is when he’s a young boy.

His father grasped his other hand tightly, pulling him into the car that will take him away from his childhood home. He’s yet to come to grips with the passing of his late uncle, with the vitriol of his other relatives that came in its wake. Sougo hadn’t possessed the courage to ask his father for some time to say goodbye to his only friend: another boy with silver hair with the confidence of a bird soaring free into the clear sky. A boy whose pinky held the other end of Sougo’s ribbon.

It isn’t until they had settled into their new house that Sougo discovers his father wanted to get him far from anything related to music—and his friend’s father leads a music production company. _Minimizing risks_ , he remembers from his lessons, _maximizing profits_. It’s only natural that his father would want the heir to his legacy to come out as unblemished from unnecessary frivolities as possible. It hurts to forget his uncle and his friend, but it will be easier for him in the long run to be obedient.

Sougo takes a pair of scissors from his desk and steadies his hand. Taking a deep breath, he wrenches his eyes closed as the deafening _snip!_ of the scissor rings in his ears.

He takes a peek after the ringing stops and sees the red ribbon still intact, stretching across the room and out the window. It probably stretches all the way to the boy with the silver hair. He wonders if it’s a sign.

The second time Sougo tries to cut the red ribbon is when he becomes an idol.

He’s twenty years old in a belated act of teenage rebellion. The years prior had blurred together into a haze of propriety, guilt, repression, self-deprecation. It had made it easier to forget about the phantom weight on his pinky, made thoughts about the boy with silver hair sink further and further into his mind where the rest of his boyhood memories lay. Like his uncle’s music, it hadn’t completely gone away: it had become a presence in the backburner, something both comforting and painful that he would return to from time to time.

It had been that way until the image of the silver-haired boy popped up while browsing a music news site. Sougo had checked the link for the artist—a group called Trigger, comprised of three people. Among the names listed had been _Gaku Yaotome_ , in crisp and clean letters, and he could almost swear that the ribbon around his pinky tightened. Gaku Yaotome. _Gaku_.

_“You said you can see the red strings around people’s fingers, right? Do I have one?”_

Sougo had auditioned to be with the music he cherishes with his life. Sougo now stands along with Tamaki as a part of Mezzo” and with the rest of his groupmates as a part of Idolish7 for that very reason. He tells himself that meeting Gaku is residual motivation, if anything at all. Wanting to catch up on all the years behind them, wanting to be friends again, wanting to be enveloped in the music and the man he lov—

The revelation is enough to make him falter during dance practice, the sudden weight of this new burden hardening his legs like lead. Tamaki bumps into him and whines because _Sou-chan, come on, I wanna finish already_ , but Sougo can’t hear any of the complaints. His vision tunnels as he looks down at his hands, the red ribbon lazily draped across his palms like an inconsequential dream.

 _It’s pointless to think about that_ , he tells himself as he tries to pull the ribbon apart. The gap between them has already been blown far too wide for any sort of bridge to connect them again. Gaku is an amazing performer, one of the nation’s most desired men, a demanded commodity in the business. He probably doesn’t remember the talks of star-crossed loves or destined soulmates or Sougo at all. _Nip these feelings in the bud before they bloom into something disastrous_.

The ribbon doesn’t snap or fray.

“Are you okay, Sougo-san?” Riku asks, brows pulled back with worry. Sougo remembers himself and sees the others looking at him similarly. “Do your hands or wrists hurt? Maybe you should rest.”

Sougo shakes his head, hands flying up to wave off the concerns. _Don’t be a burden_. He’s a professional now, after all. “I’m fine, really! I just zoned out for a bit, but I can keep going.”

“Seriously, Sou,” Yamato says, “if your body feels off, you should stop. We don’t want you going to the hospital again from stress. Tama’ll sit on you if he has to.”

“I will?” It takes a beat before Tamaki actually processes everything and crosses his arms with a stern, “I mean, yeah, I will! So, no overdoing it, Sou-chan! And tell us when something’s wrong!”

 _They’re all so kind_. He can’t possibly mess up all their efforts with such selfish emotions that won’t even come to fruition. Sougo smiles reassuringly, trying to neatly pack and bury those feelings into the space reserved for first loves. “I will. Promise.”

The third time Sougo tries to cut the red ribbon is when he can’t take it anymore.

It’s such a small and trivial thing: catching Gaku in their dormitory kitchen with Tsumugi to pick up something that Mitsuki had baked for Trigger. The ribbon’s length is almost as short as it had once been in their youth when Sougo bows his head to give his greetings to them with Tamaki, having just come back from a series of interviews for Mezzo”. Still not as short as before, but it may very well be the shortest he’ll ever get it to be. It’ll have to be enough— _more_ than enough.

“Is it just you two?” Tamaki asks.

“Yeah, apparently everyone’s still out,” Gaku answers before gesturing his head towards the box on the counter. “Just came to pick up Izumi-ani’s goods but then stayed to chat.”

“Gakkun, you better not be trying to steal Manager away.”

“Who’s stealing who now? I just wanted to catch up. There’re just some things phone messages can’t convey. Besides, even if I was trying to make a move, a cute girl like Tsumugi deserves to be approached properly.”

His pinky is numb.

“I’m sorry,” Sougo interrupts suddenly, trying to stave away the temptation of cutting the finger off completely, trying to keep himself composed despite the dizziness of tears yet to be shed, “we’re probably being rude, bothering you two like this. I’ll be taking my leave.”

He doesn’t hear anything, doesn’t feel anything, as he marches straight to his room with the image of Gaku fresh in his mind: the relaxed expression, the affectionate gaze, the warmth that reminds him of everything good in life before his uncle died. All of it is for Tsumugi. Strength leaves Sougo’s legs as soon as he closes the door; he falls to his knees, shaking. Gaku loves Tsumugi. _Gaku loves Tsumugi_.

Sougo winds the red ribbon around his hands, pulling it taut between his fists, before his teeth latch onto the width of the band. He pulls back hard as if severing sewing thread—keeps biting and pulling, hoping for a tear or fray to appear. He knows better than anyone how suffocating it is to be wrenched towards one path; he can’t get in the way of Gaku’s feelings just because of a ribbon the man can’t even see. _This will only tether him down instead of letting him soar_. Sougo keeps trying despite clacking teeth as the ribbon slips away from him, keeps trying despite the curtain of tears blurring his vision, keeps trying even when the door opens.

_“I really have one? I wonder who it’s connected to.”_

“Osaka.”

He doesn’t dare look up. His stares at the ribbon in his hands, pristine as they had always been. He weakly digs the nails of his thumbs into the phantom fabric, all the while wondering _Why can’t I just end this and let him be happy?_ From his peripherals, he sees Gaku crouching in front of him.

“…I still can’t see them,” Gaku says quietly, gently taking Sougo’s hands into his own, “but it’s here, right? Our ribbon.”

Sougo freezes at the implication of the words. The neat little space reserved for his first love is about to burst. _Now is your chance_. Sougo breathes out a shaky puff of air and shakes his head. “It was all a lie. Just a child’s fantasies. There’s nothing there. Nothing… tying us together.” 

“Bullshit.”

“There really isn’t—!”

“I _know_ you!” Gaku shouts, suddenly grabbing him by the shoulders. “Even back then, you’d lie so you don’t infringe on anyone. You haven’t changed. You’d be dying and you wouldn’t let anyone know—but _I_ know. I know with the way you’ve been looking at our hands, at some invisible space between us. I know there’s something there, but you probably got this crazy idea in your head that I’d be better off with someone else.” 

Sougo closes his eyes tight in a final attempt to keep the tears from falling. A few stray beads shamefully escape and trickle down his cheeks. Gaku pulls him close, thumbing the tears away before folding Sougo into his arms.

“Back then, I knew it was you,” Gaku says, carding his fingers through Sougo’s hair. “You got quiet when I wondered who my ribbon was tied to. I’d wish every day after you moved that the legends were real—that I’d meet you again because of fate and we’d fall in love. And that wish came true.”

“…Is it really okay?” Sougo asks with barely a whisper. “Is it okay to love you?”

“Yeah. So, don’t destroy our ribbon anymore. Love me as much as you want. And let me love you, just like this.”

Gaku’s hand finds his. Sougo selfishly twines their fingers together. For the first time, the red ribbon disappears between them—and Sougo smiles as the rest of his tears finally spill over.

**Author's Note:**

> ARE YOU GUYS SEEING AND APPRECIATING THAT AMAZING ART??? I HOPE YOU ARE BECAUSE IT'S STILL SO SOFT AND GOOD... I LOVE YOU, SPIRIT, THANK YOU SO MUCH!! [Here's the full post by Spirit on her art blog](https://t.co/xyamMVQswL)! Show her some love by liking and retweeting and reblogging her art!! She deserves it!
> 
> Thanks also to the team moderating the flashbang! You worked hard for the past few months to make sure it all went smoothly, and your efforts weren't wasted!! Lastly, thank you for reading. I hope you guys like it and enjoy our joint effort!


End file.
